Green eyed monster
by Sharna Jayne Jay
Summary: Can love really be so painful, a story of loving someone who isn’t sure if they feel the same. Bechloe story, it’s my first one please be nice!
1. Chapter 1 hopes and dreams

_Can love really be so painful, a story of loving someone who isn't sure if they feel the same._

 _Bechloe story, it's my first one please be nice!_

 _ **A.N: hi to anyone reading this first of all thank you and secondly, please feel free to comment below and hints or tips on improving my writing :)**_

 _ **P.s there will be spelling mistakes! I'm dyslexic :(**_

 ** _Chapter 1 : Hopes and dreams._**

For once things seemed to be going my way, I was seeing her name pop up in every social media app I opened, could this finally be it? Does she finally realise I'm here and she that she really does love me?

No of course not, things are never that simple and they never will be... it's best to start right at the beginning, you see I have been in love with this girl for 4 years now, I still remember the day we matched on tinder I remember viewing her profile and thinking to myself that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen... she was curvy, tall, with amazing features and in every single picture had the most breathtakingly beautiful smile... not to mention she was ginger.

I remember swiping right and it instantly said we had matched each other, we hit it off straight away and started talking and getting to know about each other, I quickly learned that she was at the same university that I was going to be starting, the one place I had been dreading to go was finally going to become the place I wanted to be. We spoke every day from the second we woke up until the moment we fell asleep, we FaceTimed and spoke on the phone every opportunity we had and it was fair to say we had a connection a very strong one for that matter, one I knew I wasn't ready for.

My problem was this, I came from a strict home and I was always labelled the troubled child because i always did the opposite to what my family wanted from me, this then became an issue when I wanted to follow my dream and there were two things stoping me... my family and my secret, you see my mother wanted me to study and get a job working in a beauty salon (which would never in a million years happen) and my dad, well he was a lecturer at Barden University so he of course wanted me to go to uni, however I wanted to be a DJ or a big shot music producer, Apart from the small problem of me not being able to afford the L.A life so therefore I had to choose one or the other of my parents Choices, luckily for me if I went to university I could study what I wanted and my dad would support me in moving to L.A if I completed 1 year the only downside... I had to go to Barden where my dad would be watching every move I made, thus creating problem number 2 my secret.

You see I'm great at keeping things secret and hiding things but this was something I'd been hiding for a very long time and now I was stuck, I had a plan on how to get around it but once again my family stepped in and stopped it, I was going to go university but I was going to go to one in L.A where I would never have to tell my secret and just live a very quiet, peaceful and an gay life, without my family knowing, yes that's right I am gay that's my secret and my family have no idea and I want it to stay that way too. If they knew my life would be hell, so many questions, doubts and most indefinitely unreasonable arguments where I would be told it's wrong and discusting to be gay.

So back to this girl, her name is Chloe Beale she's a major in foreign languages, she's in her 2nd year of uni and she's also apart of an accapella group I mean I've seen videos on the internet of it and they seem pretty cool, well apart from the time that one of the girls threw up all over the audience!! Now that was funny! However Chloe has the voice of an angel ive often sat there listening to her practice for her competitions over FaceTime a few times and every time I'm lost listening to sound of her soft melodies and the soothing sound of her voice, even when she talks it's nothing but beautiful.

phone buzzes*

I realise this whole time I've been lost in thought thinking over everything trying to find a solution to this mess I hadn't even realised I had 1 missed call and 2 texts

 ** _Chloe: I've finished lecture now I'll ring you in 5 minutes!! Xoxo_**

 ** _Missed call- Chloe_**

 _10 minutes passed_

 ** _Chloe: Everything okay? You normally answer straight away? Xoxo_**

I stare down at my phone, I should probably reply I really needed to talk to her.

 ** _Beca: Hey you! How was your lecture? Sorry I was sorting something out! So I was wondering do you fancy meeting up this week when you're free?? Xxxx_**

 ** _Chloe: I cant this month I have too much planned I've got loads of assessments maybe next month? Xoxo_**

There it was again the excuse she always uses, I've been trying to see her for months, I've asked her on a date and she always lets me down, yet she always texts and calls me. I needed to see her before I started at Barden I had 5 1/2 months left to meet her before I started uni, why did she always blow me off? I stared down at my phone blankly looking at Chloe's reply, I had no idea what to put so I typed the one thing I could think to reply, however I knew from that I'd kill the conversation.

 ** _Beca: Okayyy xxxx_**

No reply, just as I thought. I lay down on my bed and looked up at the posters on the ceiling, somethings not right. I lay there for hours thinking to myself moving only to get dinner then I fell asleep in a pillow of thoughts and questions all to which there were no answers.

The next 2 months were the same and the conversations became less and less, I couldn't understand, until I saw it... the post she put on instagram with all her uni friends at a frat party I wish I could say they were all friends but there was this girl she was beautiful tall and blonde piecing blue eyes, she was stood there with her arms around Chloe. The caption hurt more :

" _last night with my faves and my one Jess "_

It was simple and sweet but it made my heart ache I wanted to cry but I couldn't. It all makes sense now she had been putting off meeting me because I wasn't the only person she was talking too, in fact I was just another number on a list of other girls... I honestly didn't know what to do, my heart was breaking I could feel it in my chest I needed to stop this pain. I needed someone to talk to, so I did the only thing I could and called Jesse my best friend.

 _"Becawww how you doing?"_

He paused he could obviously hear the sniffling sound I made as he answered

 _"Not good can you come see me?"_ I was fighting the tears so much he gave a simple of course as a reply and hung up, that's the thing I liked about Jesse if I needed him he would always be there as quick as he could.

Jesse turned up at my house within 20 minutes of our phone call, he was great he just sat and listened whilst I told him everything not to mention whilst I sat there crying for what felt like forever. He was so sweet he told me the best thing to do was to distance myself and try to meet someone new and be happy without her.

When Jesse left I just threw my cover over me and cried, I wanted to message her and tell her how angry and hurt I was, I wanted to call her and scream and cry down the phone! How could she do this to me?! But I knew better than to blow up like that like Jesse said "it makes you look desperate if you kick off at her" he was right I needed to take his advice so I knew this was my time to move on I needed to for my own sake I needed to heal this heart and find someone who truly valued my worth. So I did I got my phone, back to tinder back to swiping.

I spent the next few month distancing myself and attempting to get over her, it was hard we had a connection and I cared about her but I couldn't do this I couldn't be the girl who was used by someone who doesn't care about me back. I avoided conversations that lasted longer than the standard "hey how are you?" As I didnt want to hear or care about her and Jess. I had tried moving on and don't get me wrong I matched a few but it never went far and I just sorta gave up, it wasn't the right thing to do I was still thinking about her, that's when It hit me... I was in love with someone who I hadn't met in person, how could i be so stupid? this has never happened to me before.

 _1 month later_.

My one fear was coming up quickly ... University not just university but Chloe Beale. I had gotten into Barden doing English literature and I had chosen which dorms I wanted I just had to hope she wasn't there, she wasn't near me I didn't want to see her I didn't want to fall ... not again. The past month I had thrown myself into packing and planning my time wisely at uni and I had invested the last few weeks with my family and friends who unfortunately I couldn't take with me ... I had a week to go before I left home, I can do this and I'll be living in LA in no time.

 **A.N: okay so this chapter is only small as I wanted to give a bit of background on Beca's character and her relationship with Chloe.**

 **I'll try and bring you chapter 2 when I can I'm super busy with work and Christmas at the moment!**

 **Thanks xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2 - face to face

**A.N: hey guys hope you enjoyed the first chapter!! As I said in the last one any feedback or guidance would be appreciated!!! Stay awesome xoxo**

Chapter 2: face to face

3 months at Barden University

My move to uni had gone smoothly, my roommate was a little unnerving as she ignored me whenever I tried to talk to her, but when she did acknowledge me it was just a stare and blank emotion. She was very rarely in which Kept me happy because I could focus on my mixtapes. I also had a job working at the radio station which was totally awesome, I was able to play my mixes on air at night it was the best feeling in the world. I rarely went to class but I always went to my mock exams, which to be honest I was doing quite well in considering I was never there! Life at Barden has been a breeze, everyone's getting ready to go home for Christmas and I'm excited to be one of the few students left here with the campus to myself! As for Chloe, I hadn't seen her which was a huge relief. I did have the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Jess tho, she was doing campus tours and I was stuck with her, let's say my encounter with her was brief and uncomfortable... for her I made it very clear I wanted her far away as possible from me... something tells me she got the message as I've not seen her since.

1 week until Christmas holidays

My roommate had finally left for Christmas which was a huge relief I could be finally left truly alone to finally play my mixtapes out loud without having to worry about her coming back and complaining! I'd had campus security out on me three times for noise complaints all from Kimmy Jin.

I sat there going over and over the track I was working on, something was missing I needed a song with meaning, I wanted to try and put my own vocals on it, I wanted this new track to have real feelings, trouble is that I'm not good with feelings, I either get them all at once or not at all. I decided to take a lie down and let the inspiration find me instead.

phone buzzes*

Shit! I woke up startled I didn't even mean to fall asleep! How long was I asleep for? What time was it? I looked down at my watch

23:17

Great I've got 40 minutes before the showers block gets locked, I grabbed my stuff and left as quick as I could not even realising I'd left my phone. The showers here at Barden were incredible, perfect temperature and they were clean!! Not to mention that night time was the best time to go, because it was empty, which meant time to think and get inspiration for my track! Stepping into the shower was heaven as the warm water hit my skin and instantly warmed me up, I let myself get lost in thought that's when it hit me, the song I wanted to do the mix with, I was already humming it the tune flowed perfectly, I gently filled my lungs with air and tried to change the song to a slower rhythm, I had it this is the song I needed to do for my mix.

" _I'm bulletproof nothing to loose fire away fire away"_

I didn't hear the footsteps walking through the shower block. The curtain pulled back quickly and a voice followed the song I was singing

" _Shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium"_

"CHLOE WHAT THE FUCK!" I was caught off guard surprised I didn't understand what was happening and I didn't realise quick enough that we were both stood naked in the shower face to face.

"Woah I'm sorry, I texted you but you didn't reply so I thought I'd come see you I saw you were heading down here so I went to grab my stuff, that way I knew you couldn't avoid me" Chloe stood there with her hands on her hips smiling at Beca, before Beca had chance to respond Chloe pulled her into a hug "I've missed you" she whispered.

Beca pushed Chloe back at arms length "dude we are naked in a shower face to face ... for the first time we've met in person? Why now ?" She moved gently past Chloe to grab a towel to wrap around herself. Before grabbing her clothes to get dressed

Chloe looked to the floor she knew Beca wasn't going to like her reply so she chose to avoid it "I didn't know you could sing you should tot-"

"Don't change the subject Chloe please you owe me this, I don't think you get how hard I've tried to avoid you" Becas tone was angry but her face and her body language said otherwise, she was hurting and most indefinitely overwhelmed with emotions.

Chloe let out a gentle smile "how about we take this somewhere private? Your place or mine?" She gave a cheeky wink.

"Mine" Beca scoffed "at least then I can kick you out... and you better be fully dressed." She headed for the door and stopped, she turned her head to the side but was looking at the floor "come round in 20 minutes" then she was gone.

Beca raced back to her room, so many things going around in her mind, what the fuck just happened? Did she really just see Chloe or was she actually going crazy! Then she remembered... her phone! She ran to her desk and flipped the phone over.

 _1 new message from Chloe: @ 23:17_

Beca held her breath as she opened the message, what could be so important that Chloe couldn't wait for a reply?

 ** _Chloe: I need you, somethings happened you're the only person I want to talk to. I'm sorry it's been so long and I know you've been avoiding me that's why I've not been in touch but I really need you. Chloe xoxo_**

She signed her name at the bottom? Beca wondered if she did it because she thought Beca had deleted her number ... She was upset with her but she'd never do that, she just couldn't but she had tried.

Beca's nerves were getting to her, she needed a drink or two, maybe she even needed to get high. The 2nd one was probably a better option something to help chill Beca out, quickly she grabbed her stuff and rolled a blunt. Fuck it she thought as she walked to the bedroom window it's not like anyone is on campus to rat her out for smoking inside.

Shortly after Chloe walked through Beca's door, she scanned the room to see the smaller girl sat in the window smoking, she looked down at her hands and took a deep breath. "Go on then I'll have whatever you're smoking" she gave a shy smile and a wink.

Beca held the blunt out towards Chloe "sure come join me. Sounds like you need it going off your text?" Beca was wary about being so forward about Chloes problem, she looked at Chloe as she stepped closer she could tell that Chloe was just as uncomfortable as her.

Chloe stepped forward and grabbed the joint then proceeded to try and sit next to Beca. Shit there wasn't enough room so she decided to risk it and sit on Beca's knee with no warning. She was surprised when Beca embraced what was happening instead of freaking out .

Both of them sat in silence smoking for the next 10 minutes. It was a comfortable silence though it wasn't one that needed to be disturbed just yet. Beca flicked the butt of the joint out the window and gestured for them to sit on her bed where it was more comfortable.

Chloe took a few moments to herself before speaking, you could see whatever it was, is playing on her mind she was struggling to find any words. Then she let out a cry, tears flowing out of her baby blue eyes. Beca grabed Chloe and pulled her into to a cuddle, she slowly stroked her hair back off her face. Chloe took a few moments as she forced out the words as quick as she could before continuing to cry.

"she cheated on me I found out and she hit me, so I've left her" beca could feel chloe sinking her face into her chest and filling her clothes with tears and muffled sobs, she didn't know how to feel angry that someone could treat Chloe this way or happy that it was over so she could try and be that person to make her happy.

Breathe beca, don't be selfish I had to take a second to let the words properly sink in, I couldn't react in anyway I wanted to because it wouldn't be fair for Chloe, the only thing I need to do is to hold her and listen to whatever she needs to say.

It turned out she didn't actually say anything because she cried herself to sleep, I grabbed my spare pj's and changed her into them and tucked her in bed. As I looked down at her peacefully sleeping I took in all of her beauty that I couldn't see on a screen or a picture. She was flawless, perfect skin, little dimples next to her mouth, her hair was softer than anything I'd ever felt in the world. Then I felt it, I felt my heart miss a beat and I know I was back to square one of being in love with her all over again. I moved away as quietly as possible and got ready for bed. When I can back I took my time getting into bed being careful not to disturb her, I lay on my back looking at the ceiling thinking of everything that had happened in the space of an hour. The night silence broke with a soft voice "beca can you hold me please, I want to feel safe" I didn't even have to think twice I just did it, holding her tightly to me, protecting her, feeling her heart slowly beating against my chest and able to smell her natural scent, it was incredible she was perfect, I had to prove I was worthy and I would do anything and everything to show her how much I cared.

I wanted her to be mine I needed her to be, but things never go to plan do they ?


	3. Chapter 3 - Green eyed monster

**_A.N: hey guys!! Thanks for following my story! I'm trying to update weekly but so far it's not going quite to plan!! Hope you're all okay!! _**

**_Chapter 3: Green eyed monster_**

It had been a few weeks since Chloe told me about her problem, she had decided to go home for Christmas to spend time with her family and getting herself back on her feet. I in the mean time had created a new mix, but not just one... we're talking a full album worth of music. I was proud to say the least I was happy that I'd been able to spend my time on my music alone with nobody around to tell me otherwise.

Me and Chloe had been talking regularly again and were soon back how we used to be, however there was still a wall between us, I knew after that night I'd caught feelings again. I didnt want to get hurt so I kept Chloe close but at a safe distance so I could keep her solely as a friend. It was difficult but I did it, I even managed to meet someone else at the radio station, she was starting as an intern just after Christmas, so I took the opportunity to show her the job and get to know her. Truth is I kinda liked her, she was different to Chloe, brunette, brown eyes, same height as me and she had a great taste in music !! Her name was Alex she was so cute and definitely something!

By time everyone started returning from Christmas break I had eventually picked up the courage to ask her on a date, she'd said yes and it was set. I had it all planned out I was going to take her to the new Italian restaurant just out of town!

When I arrived at the restaurant she was already there waiting for me, she looked beautiful, her dress flowed softly down her legs and her hair curled perfectly on her shoulder. I on the other hand was dressed super casual, with my hair tied up. We sat down and ordered, it was going well... that was until she started talking about her exes'! Like who does that on a date?! I played it off and tried to change the subject, but it always come back to her ex. I couldn't believe this! How is this happening!!!

 _P.o.v change to Chloe._

I had spent the whole of Christmas thinking about beca and how good she had been to me, I'd hurt her and she still stood by me, I knew deep down what I was feeling and was struggling to admit it. I wanted beca plain and simple, so I tried to re build things with us, I text and called nearly everyday! I wanted to fix what I had broke, I didn't realise how perfect she was and I couldn't believe how stupid I had been by not meeting her at the start. I always found an excuse I never thought anything would come of it.

Truth is the part of mine and Jess's break up was because she knew about beca... I led Jess to cheat on me because she know I had been searching for beca on campus, I had been stupid enough to get Jess involved. I told her to go to beca and show her round the campus because I wanted to know where she was. The only reason that Jess has figured out who beca was to me, was because of beca, she had been her usual self and told Jess to shove it because of her dating me and she didn't want jess knowing where to find her to cause trouble.

I can't blame her to be honest because once Jess found out I was skipping lectures to find out what classes beca was in, so I could "accidentally" bump into her, she went crazy, she told me she was going to go after beca and make sure she'd never come near me. After that we did nothing but argue and fight, until one day I walked into her room and saw her fucking her room mate! Turns out they had been at it since the whole beca thing, so when it got pretty nasty I guess I just blamed myself, it's stupid i didn't even fight back I just let her hit me. After that I just turned to walk away then over my should said "well it's definitely over" and left.

It had seemed that everyone has had their turn with the green eyed monster, but little did I know that mine was going to be making an appearance very quickly.

I go for a run every Monday. Wednesday and Friday. I run at least 2-3 miles everytime just to get out of town for a bit, I run further if I've not done as much that day. Thing is I have to do cardio 3 times a week because it's training for the Bellas, if I don't do it I have to feel the wrath of my best friend Aubrey, that is something I don't want, she tracks all of our phones to see if we're actually out running and if we're not she makes us deeply regret it.

I had a study day which meant sitting in bed all day watching Netflix, I had panicked when I looked down at my watch. Shit it's 6:30pm I dived out if bed a threw my sweatpants and running top on then ran out of the door, to my surprise I realised I had forgot to put my shoes on and my hair in a messy bun.

I'd been running for at least 50 minutes when I got out of town I slowed my run down to a light jog I had a 10 minute slow interval, I gently jogged up the small high street in the next town, it was beautiful the sun had just set and the smells and sights were stunning. I decided to sit on a bench I was passing to have a 20 minute rest period, I took in everything around me, people shopping or rushing around to get home after work, I took a deep breath and inhaled to most breathtakingly beautiful smell... mmm that was Italian food. I looked over to where the smell was coming from the soft lighting and the music flowed out of the restaurant on to the street, the couples all sat happily in a candlelit atmosphere, softly talking and enjoying their food, beca walking outside with her date and giving her a kiss. Wait I had to do a double take!

I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Who the fuck was that girl kissing beca! My heart sank deep into a unknown pit in my chest, pain turned to anger which turned to jealousy. I didn't realise how hard I was breathing until a single tear rolled down my cheek, I hadn't even realised I was stood up staring at them with my arms out until beca turned around to leave her date. She froze when she saw me, she didn't know I was back. There it was the green eyed monster he'd finally arrived.

I quickly turned on my heels and started to run back home, it was so much more difficult getting home than it normally was, I was struggling to breathe, I was crying. I looked a mess. When I got back I threw my self onto my bed and sobbed. I needed to pull myself together, I couldn't just lay around crying. I got my shower kit and walked to the shower block. I silently cried as the water merged with my tears unable to tell how much I was actually crying. I wish I never went for that run, I'd much rather be dealing with Aubrey.

 _P.o.v change to beca._

Fuck Chloe!!! I froze as I watched her run into the distance, unable to make a sound or move, how much had she seen? Why was she angry? After Chloe had ran out of sight I said goodbye to Alex and walked back over to my car. I had been sat at the steering wheel looking at my phone for 10 minutes... I wanted to call her to see if she's okay? But what if she just didn't want to disturb me and that's why she left. I couldn't process what exactly happened I couldn't even be sure as to why Chloe would be mad at me.

I drove home in silence, keeping a look out in case I saw Chloe, I was hoping I would but I didn't. When I got back I lay on my bed asking myself a thousand questions until sleep consumed me.

I kept things with me and Alex strictly work friends only, she was too much baggage and certainly too much to handle. Unfortunately tho since that day at the Italian it had been the last time I saw Chloe until 4 months later...


	4. Chapter 4 - i only ever loved you

**_A:N- hey guys thank you for leaving comments!! This is 100% a beca and Chloe end game, but don't worry Chloe's going to have her work cut out she's not going to win beca so easily._**

 ** _Chapter 4- I only ever loved you._**

It had been months since I'd seen Chloe, I had tried texting and calling her but she never replied, I couldn't understand what had happened she just abandoned me.

Nothing has really happened in the few months that had passed other than me having my exams and working on some new tracks. I had decided, I was going to make a cd about everything I'd ever felt about Chloe, it was a good excuse to make music and it was a better excuse to get all my thoughts and feeling out about her.

I sat at my desk looking at my desired track list, I needed to go to the radio station and borrow their studio to make a decent CD. I packed the stuff I needed and left to head to the station. When I finally reached it I booked my self in for a full day slot, I needed this time to really focus on what I was doing. I had to get it right, if this came out as good as I wanted it too I could use it as a demo for a record label maybe i could get in as a producer. I had high hopes and thought little about the what ifs.

I placed the headphones on and listened to the track I'd pre done, all I needed were vocals. I thought carefully about what song to use. I closed my eyes and thought about chloe, I was annoyed, she left me, she used me. It hit me hard but I got the song I needed I'd heard it on the radio Decline by RAYE it was playing in the car, it was perfect it flowed with my mix nicely.

 ** _" I was always there for you oh, I was always on time. An I gave you my all so now you call I decline"_**

I sat back in my chair and listened and mixed for hours, cutting and re creating tracks, finding the right mix to go with the songs. I personally thought I had some hard hitting lyrics in there.

 _ **"If tear drops could be bottled there'd be swimming pools filled by models"**_

 _ **"I can do just what I like, but I can't fall in love without you"**_

 ** _"Even though you're gone I'm going to pretend there's nothing wrong"_**

 ** _"This is my version of heartbreak and this is how I get over you I don't wanna feel"_**

I felt like I had created the perfect album, it was a heartbreak album, putting feelings into music is one of the best ways to create a good hit, if the record label hear this I might have a shot at becoming an apprentice record producer... I could one day be someone. I burned the demos off onto 2 CDs one for then and one for me. I was so excited to get this CD down to the studio. I jumped into my car and drove as quick as I could, everyone and everything was a blur I had one objective and I arrived quicker than I thought I would have. Jumping out of the car I looked around me, the city was huge, I'd been driving for over 2 hours to reach the office of Def Jam records, this is where the hiring and firing was done, the studio was deeper into the city at least another 2 hour drive. I was so nervous I could feel the sweat clamming my hands up, okay bec breathe, I walked into the office and headed straight for the reception.

"Hi my names Rebbeca Mitchel, I called eairler about an appointment?"

I smiled nervously as the woman looked up at me then back down to the computer. She looked back up and gestured towards a waiting room.

"You'll be seen to shortly, please take a seat"

I waited for about 20 minutes, every time someone opened the door I was ready to jump up, I'd seen so many people walk in and out those doors,most looking deeply unhappy, this was a tough game and you had to be the best to get in.

"Rebbeca Mitchel?"

I stood quickly walking over to the gentleman stood across from me, I reached out to shake his hand but he turned away and started to walk to his office.

Shit I knew, he didn't have the time for me. He just wanted to finish up so he could go home. I knew what would happen but I continued walking knowing every step closer to his office I got I was sealing my fate. Why did I keep walking. I really should have stopped.

We got inside his office and he pulled me a chair up, he scanned me head to toe, he was definitely judging me.

"You have a demo I believe?"

As he held his hand out waiting for me to pass it too him, I was nervous, but I handed it to him quickly and hoped for the best I had everything crossed. He inserted the CD and put his headphones on... it was just a waiting game now, there was no more I could do.

P.O.V change to chloe*

Saturdays were Bella rehearsals which were always challenging especially when Fat Amy didn't practice her routines. We had been dancing and singing for nearly 4 hours, I was exhausted.

"Okay girls lets grab a break, shall we head out for food??"

I've never heard the group of girls agree on anything so seriously than this before. In fact I don't actually think I'd seen Amy move so fast!! So we headed out to the nearest diner, I'd never wanted to eat something so bad in my life.

I was so lost in the menu I hadn't realised the girls were staring at me.

"What did I miss? I was lost in the world of food!"

Amy smirked and spoke 4 dangerous words

"We're getting drunk tonight"

I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so deep into my soul, thing was since I'd stopped talking to beca id stopped running and started going out drinking. However I was trying to tame it.

"You can count me out guys I'm exhausted I'm going home to get some rest"

You can imagine the response I got from that, they begged and pleaded, we ate our food and they begged some more until one small thing changed my mind.

phone buzzes*

 _Email from :- DJ._

Chloe cautiously unlocked her phone, she hadn't heard from beca in months.

When she clicked on the email, there was a small message and an attachment.

 _Subject:- you need this_

 _hey Chloe,_

 _you can delete this if you want but before you do. Please listen to it, I don't know where I went wrong but I made this album for you. Its called "I only ever loved you"_

 _The reason it's called that is because you hurt me, you've always hurt me. I've only ever loved you. I've tried so hard and could never seem to get it right with us. I guess I just wasn't what you wanted. I suppose this was me holding on to something that wasn't there, so this is me letting us go._

 _Goodbye,_

 _Rebbeca Mitchel._

 _1 attachment: album._

Chloe stared at the email and locked her phone before taking a deep breath. She faked her smile and looked up at the girls.

"Okay who's up for drinks tonight"


	5. Chaper 5- a shot in the dark

Chapter 5: a shot in the dark

I'd been sat at home for 2 hours crying, I wasn't good enough to be a producer they said I was only good at producing covers, I needed an original song that I'd made and produced. I was good at singing and producing, but I wasn't good at song writing.

I'd decided enough was enough I was going out for a drink I needed to go and enjoy myself. I picked up my phone and called Emily ... she was a Bella but she was never really with them like the others. She was in the same class as me and we got along quite well she was a good friend, but I had never spoke about Chloe to her which was good because she didn't know about our drama therefore I'd have no questions or conversations about her.

"Hey beca!!! What's upppp? How you doing?!? How did it go tell me everything!!!!"

"Hey woah em breathe! I was wondering if you wanted to do the honours of getting drunk with me tonight? Things didn't go too well"

"Awww no sorry bec! But Fuck yeah! Let's go partyyyy...see you at 9?"

"Agreed! Bye!"

I ran to my wardrobe and pulled out a black t-shirt and a red flannel, a pair of black skinny jeans and some old school vans of course! After a quick look in the mirror and some fresh eyeliner applied I was ready!! Soon after Emily knocked at the door and we were off to town!

2 hours later*

The night was great we were definitely smashed I'd lost count on how many jäger bombs we had thrown back, but it was a lot ! Not to mention how many actual drinks I'd had... no wonder I was hallucinating seeing Chloe bounce around the club, it was crazy I needed to get a grip was I actually that fucked that I was hallucinating?? When I next looked to see her she was gone That was until she appeared to be stood next me smiling.

"Oh fuck!"

"Oh beca hi, nice to see you too! you're actually out of your dorm?... so ermm I'm sorry I've not spoke a lot recently I've been erm busy"

"Chloeeeee!! You're alive great can't believe you're here! So erm I've got to go! Bye!"

As beca turned to walk away Chloe grabbed her hand and pulled her in

"Ya know, this ginger has had her jiggle juice, come dance with me"

She leaned back and looked at beca with her baby blue eyes, her teeth looked perfect as she gave a big grin and a cheeky wink.

"I listened to your mixtapeeee, it was kinda cute"

She then continued to pull beca to the dance floor.

Beca followed but she knew in her heart this was just alcohol making its statement and that if it wasn't kept controlled they both would be waking up with regrets.

They had been dancing in what felt like forever, it was natural and perfect, Chloe had been leading throughout dancing as she always did, but the grinding and how intimate she was being beca knew that the moment felt right, she was going to take a shot in the dark and see if she could finally get to kiss Chloe!

Beca gently spun Chloe around and pulled her into wards her they were stood face to face, beca looked at Chloe and smiled as she leaned in slowly, trying to gauge Chloe's reaction. Chloe's blue eyes were flickering between becas eyes and mouth, she smiled and slowly leaned into beca.

Just as their lips grazed with each other beca was being yanked away from Chloe! Her eyes shot open and she found her balance quickly. She spun around to see Jess standing behind her and a fist coming towards her face.

"I see you stole my girlfriend in the end then?"

Jess threw another punch as beca heard Chloe scream for beca to move away.

But beca was always taught if you don't throw the first punch throw the last.

"You never treated her like a girlfriend to start with! You just fucking abused her"

She could feel the anger launching her at Jess, she wasn't thinking she was acting impulsively to where she hit Jess that hard it pushed her to the floor, they rolled around brawling throwing punches and kicks everywhere. Beca was pretty sure she'd even been bitten.

It was at this point that Jess was now the one pinning beca down throwing punch after punch and everything slowly began to fade to black, the only sounds beca could hear was the sound of Chloe crying and talking to beca and a paramedic saying they were taking her to hospital. Certainly not how the night was supposed to end.

13 hours later*

Beca could feel her eyes stinging as she tried to wake up, the light was bright and the sounds were loud. She could feel the whole of her body aching by time she was able to only just see, she could just about see Chloe resting her head down next to beca on the bed, she had been laying there next to her this whole time.

Beca tried to move to see Chloe better but it hurt as she did she let out a loud cry of pain, which woke Chloe up!

"Beca woah! Careful don't move yet I need to get a nurse"

She jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. The nurse had come back and explained to me that I had broken 2 ribs and that I had minor concussion and not to mention a few cuts and bruises, they had taken pictures of all my injuries and the police were involved and had a jess under arrest.

After a day of giving statements and getting drugged up on painkillers, Chloe was nice enough to take me home. She stayed the night in case I needed anything. The only thing I wanted was that kiss I missed out on, but I knew the moment had long gone.

Chloe sat on the bed next to me and looked down at me.

"Last night shouldn't have happened"

Chloe had a look of sadness in her eyes as if she felt guilty about what had happened between me and Jess

"Chloe we didn't know she was around, no one has really seen her for a while! Besides It doesn't matter she's being dealt with"

I grabbed Chloe's hand and held it as tight as I could and brought it too my mouth and kissed it gently.

"I wasn't talking about Jess bec, I was talking about us, seeing the way you acted last night freaked me out. I wish you'd listened to me when I said to move away!"

Beca felt her world crumble again. She then proceeded to tell Chloe how she felt and then it span into an argument, which resulted in Chloe leaving... again.

7 weeks later*

My cast had finally come off, No thanks to the help I had off Emily. She had been helping me in my recovery in the past few weeks, I could walk better and I felt better I was finished at my first year of Barden, which meant I could finally leave to L.A.!

Whilst Beca been in recovery She had told em about what had happened at the record label. Em had spoken about how she writes songs and would love to collaborate with beca, they found a record label in L.A called Residual heat. They had spent the past few weeks working on a demo and had sent it off! Only to receive an email saying they wanted beca as a in training producer and they wanted em as becas first client!!

Beca packed everything up, she was ready to go start her new life in L.A her dad paid for a sweet little condo up there for her and got her a new car, Emily was also moving up to L.A and was going to stay at becas place until she could afford her own! The only thing left to do was say goodbye to Chloe.

You see after their argument Chloe messaged her a few times to say "hi hope you're okay" or "you feeling better?" But it never really went past small talk, beca hadn't told Chloe she was leaving she didn't feel the need to until it was time to actually say goodbye. Beca put the rest of her bags into her car and walked over to Chloe's dorm.

She hesitated and then finally knocked. Chloe opened the door in her sweats with her hair in a messy bun. It was obviously a lazy day for her.

"Beca? Hi I wasn't expecting you? Come in!"

Beca stepped in and took a seat on the nearest chair.

"So what do I owe this unexpected visit?"

Chloe remained stood but still near beca she had a bewildered look on her face, she was lost in reasons as to why beca could be there.

Beca cleared her throat, and looked at Chloe awkwardly.

"I've come to erm, say goodbye. I'm leaving to head off to L.A I got a job a label so I though I'd make my rounds to say goodbye to everyone before I left"

Chloe was staring at the floor and beca noticed a single tear fall, then Chloe took a breath and put on a happy face!

"I'm so happy for you bec! Congratulations when do you leave?"

Beca never quite understood how Chloe was so good at changing her reactions and her deminer, its something she wished she could do in situations like this instead she hesitated before she answered

"I erm t-t-Tonight"

Beca stood up and Chloe stepped forward and put her arms around beca. They stood holding each other in silence beca slowly looked at Chloe as she rested her forehead against Chloe's.

Chloe wispered a small goodbye before leaning into kiss beca. Chloe lingered before making her move, as she slowly moved into the kiss she felt beca do the same, they gently locked lips and gave a single kiss. It's was all that was needed it was a kiss that spoke a thousand words. As they slowly came out of the kiss beca looked at Chloe smiled and said goodbye. Shortly after she was gone.

Chloe walked out of her dorm to see beca getting into her car, she watched as she lit a cigarette and drove away.

Chloe knew that was the final goodbye. She returned to her room a cried thinking over everything that had happened with her and beca. Everything they had been through, Jess getting sent to prison for aggravated assault for 6 1/2 years on good behaviour, after hers and becas statement. The kiss, the shower, the night she slept in a bed with beca, the night she saw beca at the Italian, seeing how beca looked the night of the fight, the phone calls the texts, everything that had happened was flying around in her head.

She played becas mixtape for the hundredth time... she truly loved beca she really did, but she knew that all she had ever done was hurt her, so made a decision to finally let her go and let her find her own happiness in L.A. and that if it was meant to be beca would come back to her.

 _A/N:- The question is, we know they will but how will their paths ever cross again... the next chapter is going to be about beca seeing the light about Chloe and making the choice of letting her go for good, and also we will be following how her life has changed in L.A !! Please leave a comment tell me where you want to see this go! How do you want Bechloe to meet again? What will happen when they do?_

 _Thank you so much for following this story. I truly appreciate all of you for supporting me! Xoxo_


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N:- Hi guys thanks for keeping up with the updates and reviews, it's great to hear what you all want to see from this story. If you have any ideas to bring to the story feel free to message me and I'll try my best to add it in :)_**

 ** _P.s - I know I said this chapter would be about beca but I've thrown the start of end game in, just to get the ball rolling ;)_**

 ** _Chapter 6: waking up to see the light_**

It had been 2 years since I had moved to L.A things were going good, me and Emily has released 2 albums together and I had just started working with some big artists. I had moved into a new house, it was amazing I had a massive garage for a few cars, 3 bedrooms, my own private recording studio, a pool and a hot tub. Oh and not to mention a games room!

It was safe to say I had been living the life of luxury, I had only one thing missing ... and that was Chloe you see for once things were finally going my way, I was seeing her name pop up in every social media app I opened, could this finally be it? Does she finally realise I'm here and she that she really does love me?

No of course not, things are never that simple and they never will be. Me and Chloe have been talking a lot and really trying to work on whatever it is me and Chloe are, you see when I first moved out here I thought I'd never hear from Chloe again, but I was wrong in fact i was so wrong, Chloe had been texting calling and FaceTiming me just like we used to. Every app I opened she was there.

 ** _Instagram: Chloe Beale has liked a photo_**

 ** _Facebook: Chloe Beale has mentioned you in a comment _**

**_Snapchat: 1 new snap- Chloexx_**

As I looked through my notifications I smiled to myself, she was everywhere and I sure as hell didn't mind it. I'd been looking at me and Chloe wrong this whole time, it turns out I've missed a few hints that Chloe actually likes me. I just never realised, however it's not just me to blame on that one, love works both ways and effort is needed from both parties. I had done my fair share so now it was Chloe's turn to do the chasing. But love is too good to be true and I knew it might never happen.

However there was 2 things I knew were stopping Chloe from chasing me:

1\. The fact she lives miles away.

2\. I was speaking to someone round here and trying to make it work.

When I say speaking to someone I kind of mean hooking up for fun, but this girl also wants to go out on "dates" so I take her out now and then, it's good company I guess.

Truth is I enjoyed dating and seeing other girls, I really liked taking people out and making them feel special, I was good at that... really good in fact, I had wooing girls down to a T. The romance the kind gestures, an evening made just about them, I could do it. I just couldn't commit, I didn't want a relationship, I never will, it's nice to date because it's every now and then but when the morning comes I'm ready to move on to the next.

I realise I've been lost in a trail of thought for the past 5 minutes, I didn't even realise my boss stood in the doorway watching me.

"Reggie! You okay? Seem a bit lost in thought there kiddo?"

Beca jumped at the interaction and looked up, she smiled at her boss.

"Yes sorry, I was thinking about what to do with Emily's collaboration with Jessie J, trying to think of the right beat and stuff"

She cautiously looked at her boss to see if he realised she was lying.

"You'll be fine, the beat will come to you, it always does then the rest of the track with flow after."

He turned to walk away then quickly stopped and looked back at beca.

"Ah I almost forgot you have a visitor downstairs, oh er happy birthday by the way"

He gave a smile and a wink then walked away.

Beca stood up and grabbed her phone and headed over to the lift. Chloe hadn't replied to her texts at all this morning, which was strange she had reached out to beca on everything else just not her text messages. Beca clicked on snap chat a loaded up the maps, maybe she was at work. But Chloe wasn't to be seen. "Fuck she's ghosted" beca locked her phone as the lift doors opened.

Beca stepped into the reception to see an oddly familiar face, long curly red hair that fell beautifully below her shoulders, baby blue eyes and that smile. The one smile that could stop becas heart in a second. The girl was holding a bunch of flowers and a balloon.

"Happy birthday to the sexiest DJ in the world" she smiled and gave a wink.

"CHLOE!!! Oh my god you're here!!! You remembered my birthday!! I've missed you"

Chloe ran to beca and threw her arms around her she looked at beca and smiled.

"I've missed you more" she leaned in and kissed beca on the cheek.

"I'll finish up now and spend the rest of the day with you!! Where are you staying?"

"I've not thought that far ahead yet, I sorta flew out last minute, I wanted to surprise you"

"Well you can stay at mine, there's pleanty of room"

"Sounds perfect to me"

2 hours later*

Beca and Chloe had spent the afternoon catching up, Chloe had spoiled beca with food and was now taking her shopping.

"Dude I'm just gonna go in this record shop, you coming?"

Beca was already halfway to the store by time Chloe had the chance to reply.

"I'm just going to run into another shop I'll catch up in a second"

Beca was glad for Chloe's answer it gave her time to find the perfect record she wanted to have a romantic meal at home, Dim lights and candles.

later in the evening*

Beca had set the mood for their dinner for 2 lighting candles and putting the record on she had bought previously in the day and Chloe had whipped up a 3 course meal. They had spent the evening laughing and joking. A few glasses of wine down and both headed to the living room to watch a film.

Chloe's point of view*

I'd spent half the film looking at beca, I'd come here after sitting and talking to Aubrey about how I felt about beca, obviously Aubrey being Aubrey gave her usual response of... "my dad says" and I decided to stop listening at that point and chose to make my own fate and take a chance!

I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and that I was going to get a job in L.A to be with her, I wanted her and knowing that the chances of me being with her were getting slim I needed to act.

Chloe stood up and started heading towards the stairs as she was just about to reach the step as she turned.

"We gonna use that hot tub of yours or what"

she said with a wink, beca looked over and smirked and stood up.

"Ahhhh so youre sneaking off to get your bikini before asking eh? Looks like I don't have a choice in the matter"

Beca laughed as she followed Chloe to get her bikini too. Surprisingly beca was the last to be changed, Chloe was already in the hot tub by time beca came out.

Chloe's jaw dropped when she saw how beautiful beca was, the natural curve of her body and how her hair looked cute in a messy bun.

"Woah Chlo, you er got a little drool there, nothing you've not seen before"

Beca giggled as she stepped into the tub giving Chloe a wink. This was an opportunity Chloe could take, so as beca went to sit down opposite Chloe she grabbed her hands and pulled her next to her. The girls sat laughing and drinking wine until Chloe built up the confidence she needed"

Chloe turned to beca and took a deep breath.

"Bec can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course" beca gave a reassuraing smile.

"Okay so, I don't know how to say this and I'm probably just going to rant so stop me if I say too much, but beca im in love with you, I always have been but there was always a fear stopping me, and I'm sorry for everything and all the hurt I put you through. Truth is at the start I never thought we would become anything, but when you started at uni and I saw you with that girl at the Italian it broke my heart and... well I guess I knew I cared but I didn't realise how much until that day. Then when you come to leave to move here and you kissed me, I wanted to beg you to stay, but that would have been selfish of me so I thought I'd let you go and move on. But I couldn't just let you move on, I wanted to fight for you and I needed to fix things and I know it's been 2 years but I just wanted to build our friendship up and get close again ya know? And I just think that..."

All of a sudden Chloe was stopped by beca kissing her, Chloe gave into the kiss, spiralling into a whirlwind of emotions and feelings.

Beca slowly broke the kiss and looked at Chloe, she held both of Chloe's hands gently and looked up at the baby blue eyes.

"I love you too chlo, but if this is going to work we need to take it slow, I don't want either of us getting hurt. You live so far away it's going to be hard"

"Yeah about that, I ermm maybe looking for somewhere to live round here, I've already found a job at vets about a 30 minute drive from here"

"Live with me? Until you find something? I've got a spare room and ya know it will be good coz we get space but you're also around?"

"It's sounds great bec, are you sure tho?"

"Yeah I mean it's only temporary right?"

"Yeah exactly! Obviously I'll help pay rent and stuff but this is aca-awesome"

"I won't be taking money off you chlo, ew dude with that aca shit"

Chloe giggles and cuddled into beca and could feel how truly happy she finally felt. Beca cuddled her in as close as possible then gently planted a kiss on Chloe's head.

"Hey chlo? You know coz it's my birthday and that we're now a couple?"

"Birthday sex?"

"Dude! er not where I was going but, I was going to ask if you'd stay with me in my room tonight. Cuddles only tho, we're taking it slow don't forget"

"Of course I will bec! I'm totes being little spoon!"

Beca grinned at Chloe as she carefully got out of the hot tub, she offered her hand to Chloe as she too stepped out, they dry off and go to bed, they both lay watching tv and spooning in bed until they both fall asleep in complete euphoria intertwined with each other.


	7. Chapter 7: coming out

**_A/N:- hi guys sorry that some of you feel the story isn't flowing the way you want it too. I need you to know that this story is mostly fictional but based off things that I need to let go of in my past. I would like you to understand that I'm struggling at the moment with my writing as I'm trying to input some painful memories into this. Please don't hate on me for it not being the way you want, please understand and respect how difficult it is for me._**

 ** _TRIGGER WARNING! REFRENCES TO SELF HARM! And HOMOPHOBIA!_**

 ** _Detail is not given to self harm it only hints to it!_**

 ** _Chapter 7:- coming out._**

Things were going good for me. Chloe was amazing, we had been together for nearly 2 months (still taking things slow may I add) she had been really cute I would come home to flowers and candles lit a blanket and our favourite tv shows lined up on the T.V. She was literally everything I had ever imagined us to be.

My job was going great and I was getting my own sister label, so I was currently in the process of finding a location for my new studio.

I had only one problem, that was my family. I had been good at keeping a safe distance for them to know what I wanted them to know about my life, but the time had come where I was ready to tell them, tell them about me being gay, tell them about Chloe. I had to. I needed too.

Beca grabbed her phone and began typing out, the text that would start to ball rolling on this chapter in her life.

 ** _Beca: hey dad! Would you and mum like to meet for dinner one night this week? It's on me ;) x_**

 ** _Dad: sounds good, is Thursday good for you?_**

Shit Thursday, that was 2 days away and I had a viewing for a studio that day... but I guess it was now or never. I had to do it.

 ** _Beca: Thursday evening okay? Around 7?_**

 ** _Dad: 7pm it is... quick question, what's wrong? You never offer to pay let alone take us to dinner?_**

 ** _Beca: nothings wrong! Just wanted a catch up!_**

 ** _Dad: okay see you Thursday._**

I stared at my phone as the fear slowly started creeping over me. I jumped slightly as it started to ring. All my fear sweapt away as I saw Chloe's name appear on my phone... shit Chloe!! I was supposed to have picked her up from work!

 ** _Hi babe sorry I'm on my way!!_**

 _Is everything okay bec?_

 _ **Yeah just had to sort something out I'll be 15 minutes**_

 _Drive safely baby_

 _ **Always**_

I hung up and grabbed the first set of keys I could get my hands on and ran to the garage. Pressing the button to find the car I'd chosen, I must admit I was proud I'd picked up the Audi R8 keys, my new addition to my small collection of cars.

I pulled up outside Chloe's work to see her waiting with a few colleagues, this was the first time Chloe had seen my new car. Her face lit up when she saw me pull up, she was honestly so beautiful. I on the other hand was just plain lucky.

 _"Baby! Look at your new car!! I love it!!"_

Chloe screamed in excitement as she climbed in.

 _ **"You like huh? I bought it as a treat"**_

Beca smiled to herself as she looked at the inside of the car.

 _"Bec baby a treat is buying yourself a chocolate bar when you're on a diet or like a new outfit for a night out because you can!"_

Chloe giggled as she gave beca a pure look of innocence.

 _ **"Yeah well I work hard so I play hard, therefore a car is a treat... wait no don't do that, why are you looking at me like that? No no oh no you're so not driving this"**_

Chloe smiled sweetly and gave her big blue eyes that she knew always worked on beca

 _"Baby pleaseeee"._ She paused and smirked as she spoke _"I bet I could drive it better than you"_

Beca gasped at the comment. She had to admit she liked when Chloe surprised her because it taught her there's never an end to knowing someone.

She sighed and rolled her eyes as she stepped out.

 _ **"Fine, but DONT crash it... it's my baby"**_

Chloe gracefully brushed past her

 _"Actually, I am."_

Beca lost her breath as Chloe made her remark, she smiled as she watched Chloe get into the car. They quickly sped off, she'd done a pretty good job of proving beca wrong. She loved driving, she especially loved driving fast cars, it made her feel like she had full control in life, she felt powerful. She also enjoyed impressing beca and proving her wrong.

Beca was thinking about how Chloe looked whilst she was driving just knowing that Chloe was the most beautiful woman ever. Something about the way Chloe's blue eyes and ginger hair connected with the sunlight and the way she drove. God the way she drove, beca was well and truly head over heels.

 _ **"I love you Chloe, you're honestly so beautiful"**_

Beca stared intensely at her, noticing Chloe blush as she kept her eyes forward on the road.

 _"I love you too bec"_

2 days later*

 _Bec why are you so stressed?_

 _ **I'm fine. Just nervous**_

Chloe held becas hand as she walked her to the front door. Before beca left Chloe turned her around and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek

 _I love you, you'll be fine this studio will be perfect for you I can feel it!_

 _ **Chlo... it's not the studio I'm worried about, there's something I've not told you. I'm meeting my family tonight and I'm going to tell them about me being gay, as well as about us.**_

 _Beca! Why didn't you say? Let me come with you?_

 _ **I couldn't ask you to do that, it wouldn't be fair chlo, my family aren't the nicest of people when they find things out they don't like. I don't want them to upset you.**_

Chloe pulled beca into a cuddle and held her tightly she kissed the smaller girls head.

 _Beca, nothing that you ask would ever be unfair, I will always love you and support you. If you want me to come I will, but if you need this time with your family then I'll totes respect that._

 ** _Thank you, but this is something I need to do on my own._**

 _Okay bec, well I'm going to probably go out with some friends for a few drinks tonight, if you need me promise you'll call?_

 _ **I promise!**_

Beca took a deep breath as she left her condo, she had picked out her mustang to take.. it was her dads favourite she was hoping it would keep him sweet for when she told him her news.

The drive to the restaurant had gone well becas dad was in awe of the car and the conversation flowed nicely. They were about 20 minutes into the meal when becas mum broke the comfortable silence.

 _So Rebbeca, how's the love life going? Any boyfriends we need to meet?_

She smiled sweetly as she looked at beca, causing her heart rate to soar, this was it, now or never. Beca took a deep breath and spoke softly.

 ** _No, I erm don't have a boyfriend. I actually have a girlfriend._**

Becas mums mouth dropped and then closed as beca continued speaking.

 ** _Yes mum before you ask I am gay._**

Beca kept her eyes down trying to avoid her parents reactions. As she glanced up she saw her dad staring coldly at her, she noticed that his whole demeanour had changed as he had become tense and hard.

 _Rebbaca Mitchel I cannot believe you would joke about being one of them! What on earth is wrong with you?_

His words caused a thick atmosphere and tension that you could cut with a knife, beca felt like she had her heart ripped out. She knew how they would feel but she never anticipated them to be so in-denial.

Becas mum looked at her with a sympathetic look, she knew beca wasn't lying but couldn't bring herself to stand up and say anything. So she changed the conversation.

 ** _So how are you settling into your new condo? We've not seen it since you moved in?_**

 _Ahhh yes mum! I've been so busy with work I completely forgot to invite you round! How about I take you down there tonight?_

 _ **Sounds delightful. honey what do you think?**_

Becas mum turned to her dad to encourage him to become involved, it seemed to work as he slowly began to become at ease.

 ** _Yes sounds good, it will be interesting to see where you're living!!_**

Beca had paid for the meal and drove her family back to her condo, they had been at the house for around an hour and were in an easy flow of conversation. Becas dad had seemed to have forgotten what had happened earlier and was strangely laughing and joking with beca. Until Chloe walked through the door.

 _Hey beautiful I'm home! You back yet?? This gingers had her jiggle juice and is totes ready for a snuggle and a film!_

 _ **Chloe!!!**_

 _Oh sorry didn't realise we had company! I'm assuming it went well?? Hello! You must be becas family!! I'm Chloe her—-_

 ** _Best friend_**

 _Awww babes sweet! Of course I'm your best friend I mean as well as girlfriend!_

 _ **Dude seriously?!?**_

Becas dad stood up and straightened out his suit. He looked at his wife who slowly followed his movements. As he turned his back to his wife to face beca, his wife gave Chloe a smile and an small awkward wave.

 _Rebbeca I've heard enough of this nonsense today, I'm not sitting around here with a queer! You know how I feel about it all._

 _ **Dad please let me —**_

 _I told you I've heard enough! In my eyes all gays need to be lined up and shot! Simple as!_

In the heat of the moment and most likely the alcohol telling her to do it Chloe stepped forward and came face to face with becas dad.

 ** _Aca-scuse me? The fuck did you just say? All lined up and shot? EVEN YOUR OWN DAUGHTER?_**

 _You heard me! INCLUDING MY OWN DAUGHTER! I'm not having her being one of them! It's discusting and vile! Why on earth would you want to be a faggot!_

 _ **You fucking breeder! Stuck in your stupid black and white world!! Get a grip and grow the fuck up! Your daughter is incredible, she has been through hell and back to accept who she is! She loves me and cares for me, she makes so happy and I've never EVER loved anyone as much as I do beca!**_

 _What did you call me? If you love my daughter so much you would understand she's not gay and let her go!_

He takes a step closer to Chloe and becas mum rushes to his side to move him away. Beca moves beside Chloe and holds her hand.

 ** _Actually dad I am gay, and Chloe makes me happy! Why can't you just accept that?_**

Becas dad begins to move before turning to beca and throwing her to the floor.

 _A Fucking Faggot for a daughter great! *spits*_

Becas mums screams at her husband and drags him out of the door, as she turns to leave she looks at beca with an apologetic look and her face and mouths "I love you" to beca, and then she leaves.

Beca remains on the floor in a ball, crying with Chloe running to be by her side.

 ** _Thank you for sticking up for me chlo. You didn't have to._**

 _You're right I didn't, but I wanted to. I'm sorry I was so hurtful to your dad, he just needed to hear the truth._

 ** _I understand... I'm going to go for a shower then head to bed I think._**

 _Want me to come with you?_

 _ **No, I need to be alone.**_

Beca heads upstairs and turns the shower on, as she walks over to the sink and looks into the mirror. Her eyes are red and sore from crying and the pain in her chest won't leave. She can feel herself slipping to a place she's not been for a long time, as she stares at the reflections she becomes unable to see herself through the tears. Beca begins to think about what's happened and starts to realise she dosent think she knows who she is anymore, why would chloe love her? Why is she gay? Will her dad hate her forever? She begins to remember how she copes before and it's too late to stop herself as she opens the cupboard door and grabs a blade. She cries as she watches the blood dip into the sink...


	8. Chapter 8

**_A:N- hey guys sorry it's taken so long to get a new chapter out i have a lot happening in my life right now._**

Chapter 8 :- Bleeding love

Chloe had noticed that since the night of the fight beca had changed. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but she knew something had snapped inside of beca.

Chloe had tried to be there for her and had even given her space. But things were hard and beca was hiding something. Chloe had started to notice small changes at first. Things like spending longer in the shower and hearing small sobs, or wearing long sleeved shirts on some of the hottest days. But today was different, beca had been going into work less, but today was a day she had finally chosen to go in so chloe took the opportunity to wash some clothes.

This is the moment everything clicked into place for Chloe, blood... on the inside of becas top. Chloe's curiosity took over so she headed into becas bathroom. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until she spotted 3 small drops of blood near a basket that beca used for her first aid and medicine things.

Chloe slowly opened the drawer to see everything as it normally was, except for one thing. A small plastic bag was now in there, Chloe held her breath as she reached for it. There it was a small bag containing 5/6 razor blades 2 had small blood marks on them. Chloe fell to the floor and cried holding the bag in her hands, she had no idea what to do, she was angry.

Chloe had been on the floor for a while before she decided to stand up, she moved quickly tears still falling down her face, she grabbed a pair of keys from the side and went into the garage, she jumped into the R8 and sped quickly out. Chloe knew where she was heading and she knew it would be trouble, but she needed to help beca and this was her way of trying. Beca had been self harming for nearly 6 weeks and Chloe had no idea.

30 minutes later Chloe arrived and she swung the car onto the driveway. Stepping out and walking to the door without a single inch of hestiation banged on the door. Chloe was still silently crying and hadn't realised how tear filled her face or the fact she was still holding the bag of blades in her hand, that was until the door opened.

 **Chloe? What are you doing here? Where's Rebbeca, is everything okay?**

 _No, she's not okay and I don't know what to do but something needs to be said and done!_

Chloe held the bag tighter as she wiped her eyes, feeling the anger still inside her she was still fighting the tears she looked behind becas mum to see she was alone.

 **It's okay. Come in, he's not here.**

Chloe stepped in and looked around there were pictures and newspapers cuttings of beca everywhere. Chloe followed becas mum into the kitchen where she was told to make herself at home.

Chloe hesitated but then proceeded to waste no time as to why she had made the visit.

 _Beca is hurting herself and has been since the argument. I don't know what to do, she needs her family and this is the only thing I can think of._

 **What do you mean hurting herself sweetie? Her dad will come round but he's finding it difficult.**

 _He needs to speak to beca then doesn't he and tell her he cares about her and that he's struggling but still loves her! She is self harming, has been for 6 weeks and I didn't even know. I found the blood on her shirt and the blades just under an hour ago!_

Chloe three the bag on the table and becas mum

Gasped at the sight of it, she reached out and grabbed it inspecting each blade.

 **Jesus! I had no idea it would affect her this way, she's always been so strong.**

 _You need to speak to him. He needs to re establish communication with her, I'm not asking he accepts her being gay but he needs to support her. Quite frankly so do you!_

 **Chloe, I can try and speak with him... but things aren't that easy, he's a complicated man. I can talk with her tho.**

After a long hour and a half of talking and figuring ways out to help beca, Chloe wipes her tears and stands to leave... as she does becas mum grabs her arm and pulls her into a cuddle. Chloe sobs deeply into her shoulder unable to move away, she hears her mum speak softly.

 **I know you love her, I'm proud she waited for you. She's loved you for a very long time Chloe, please protect her.**

Chloe nods as she pulls away, she gives a small smile and heads towards the door. She gives one last look before leaving the house and returning home to wait for beca to come back from work.

When beca finally arrived home from work, Chloe had set the table with candles and a smell that could take anyone's breath away... beca always knew to appreciate Chloe and when she cooks. She was a great cook. She slowly walked over to the kitchen and stood in the door way. Chloe was singing away whilst cooking in boy shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

Beca slid her arms around Chloe being mindful to keep her sleeves down. She gently kissed Chloe's cheek and cuddled her as Chloe continued to sing.

Beca sighed and cuddles Chloe in a little tighter.

 **I don't deserve someone so amazing like you.**

 ** _Actuallly beca, you deserve the world. I love you and I'm always here for you!_**

 **I love you too baby.**

After they had eaten, beca headed up stairs and went for a shower, Chloe had been quick to realise that this was when beca was hurting herself. Chloe quietly headed up to the bathroom to hear beca crying. She gently pushed open to the door to see beca on the floor holding her head, her eyes were quick to notice the blood and the blade in the sink.

Chloe walked over to beca and sat down next to her, she gently wrapped her arms around her holding her as close as she could. Beca cried harder as she tried to speak.

 **I... I ... I'm so sorry chlo, I'm so sorry.**

 ** _Shhh baby it's okay, I'm here. I wish you had told me, I could have helped you._**

 **I was scared you would hate me for it and leave, I don't want to loose you. I'm really struggling Chloe, I'm not well.**

 ** _I know bec, I promise you I'll do everything I can to support you and get you better. You need to see a doctor, they can give you tablets... and maybe try counciling?_**

 **No, I don't want to sit in a room and tell someone all my problems. I just want my dad to tell me he cares and loves me.**

 ** _He does beca! He's just struggling to understand, he will come around. Why don't you try and talk to your mum?_**

 **He doesn't Chloe or else he would have said! She probably won't want me in the house either.**

 ** _She does beca trust me... don't get mad, but I went to see her. She knows that you're not well, she cares about you and is worried._**

 **What the hell chloe! Why would you-**

Chloe leans in and kisses beca, it takes a second but beca kisses her back then quickly moves away.

 ** _Because I love you beca and I didn't know how to help you, I got angry and went round to tell them how wrong they were. But I just cried instead, your dad was out but I spoke to your mum. You should call her bec._**

 **Really? You did that for me? I'll call her tomorrow, I'm off work. I just want to spend tonight with you.**

 ** _Okay, let's get you cleaned up? How about we have a nice bath together instead of a shower? I can give you a back rub?_**

 **Sounds amazing. Thank you Chloe.**

 ** _What for?_**

 **Being there for me when I needed you and knowing that there was something wrong.**

 ** _I'll always be here for you._**

Chloe ran them a bubble bath and helped clean up becas arm, as she looked at the lines on her girlfriends wrist her eyes filled with tears, she leaned down gently and kissed each individual mark.

 ** _I love you, even your imperfections. You're my girl and nothing will ever change that._**

 **Gayyyyy**

Beca laughed as she replied and turned herself around so she was leaning backwards into Chloe's chest. She sighed deeply as Chloe wrapped her arms around her, holding her tightly. This was becas safe place, nothing beat being in Chloe's arms.

 **How about that back rub?**

 ** _The pleasure is mine_**

They spent the rest of the evening lying on sofa together watching Chloe's favourite films, beca smiled as she saw the smile Chloe wore so innocently as she watched the TV. Beca realised she was lucky to have someone like Chloe support her.

The next day beca woke up to see Chloe was missing from the bed. She rolled over to get her phone to check the time, it was only 11:23. She took a deep breath in and had a small stretch.

Beca was sat up in bed checking her emails, more demos and paperwork to complete. Chloe hadn't realised beca was awake as she gently pushed the door open, and tried to sneak in. She saw beca on her phone and smiled.

 ** _Morning baby, I made us breakfast._**

 **Good morning! Oooo thought I could smell bacon.**

 ** _Not just bacon, I made bacon pancakes._**

 **God I love you!**

They sat in bed eating and talking, beca spoke about how to approach her mum, as Chloe helped her to type out a message to send to becas mum.

All Chloe wanted to do was to fix this hurt of becas. She wanted to show her she was loved and wasn't alone. They spoke about taking away the blades and if beca felt the need to cut she would go to Chloe and they would talk or do something to help beca come away from the thoughts of cutting. Beca seemed to appreciate the effort Chloe was making and tried her best to make ideas on how to come away from it.

After beca had sent the text to her mum she received a phone call from her. Chloe heard the conversation was flowing well so she left them to talk in private. A short while later Chloe sent beca a text saying she was going to work for a little while and that she would be back for tea. Chloe had been so caught up in beca that she hadn't been going to work much either, however Chloe's work knew she needed to be at home even though they didn't know the details but respected Chloe's privacy and understood when she needed to be off or leave early.

Becas day had gone surprisingly well, especially between beca and her mum. She had been told how her dad was feeling and that he needed time to understand what had happened and learn how to become accustomed to it, he was struggling as he had never really encountered this situation even though he had seen hundreds of parents go through it when he was lecturing at university. However it was stressed to beca that he did love her and he still just wanted her to be happy.

Chloe came home from work around 6pm to find the lights dimmed and the table set for dinner, with soft music flowing in the background. Chloe saw a note on the table.

 _"Chlo,_ _Just in the shower, I'm okay. I had a really good day! Got a lot to talk about, thank you for being so amazing and supportive._

 _I love you so much beautiful._

 _All my love_

 _Beca xxx"_

Chloe smiled as she read the note, she knew that recently their relationship had unofficially been on hold whilst they focused on becas mental health, but Chloe really wanted to start moving forward now things were looking a little better. She really wanted to talk to beca but wasn't too sure how to do it.

When beca had finally emerged from upstairs she was wearing a short sleved t-shirt and some skinny jeans, they sat down for a nice cooked meal and beca spoke about her day on the phone to her mum. Chloe felt great about how things were going, beca was getting her sparkle back in her eyes, she knew it wasn't over but she also knew it was getting better. After they had eaten and finished talking Chloe stood and grabbed a car key off the side.

" _Lets go for a drive baby"_

Beca smiled as she walked over and reached Chloe's hand to hold it. They walked into the garage and got in the car, they drove off.

 **Where are we going?**

Beca asked curiously as chloe had a clear destination in mind, she knew this because her turns were planned as she indicated too far in advance.

 ** _It's a surprise, but I know you'll like it._**

 **Oooo I love a good surprise!**

By time they arrived it was just going dark, the sun was just setting and had stained the sky an blood orange colour, Chloe jumped out of the car and raced around to becas side to let her out, her face Beaming with happiness as the last few rays of sun caught her curly ginger hair.

 **It's beautiful chlo, I can't believe we've never been here before!**

 _I wanted to bring you when the time was right and tonight felt like one of those nights. This is where I come to chill out when I feel stressed or sad. I thought this place would be just as valuable to you now too._

 **I love it chloe I really do! Look at all these people down there living their everyday lives whilst we stand up here looking down and nobody even knows we're watching.**

 _I know I find it really peaceful, I could sit here for hours sometimes._

There was a content silence as the girls sat on the hood of the car looking out at the veiw, it was a perfect night, the sky was clear and the stars were out, a gentle breeze. It was perfect Chloe grabbed becas hand. The exchanged glances and a smile, as Chloe softly spoke.

 _I love you beca, I really want to be with you forever._

 **I love you more.**

 ** _A/N: okay guys so beca obviously isn't cured of her depression and it will be a battle she faces but Chloe helps her make it easier._**

 ** _I'd also like to add to anyone who is feeling depressed or is self harming, it's okay to talk. We all go through it, it just effects people in different ways. Please visit your doctor or talk to your family and friends! You're never alone !!_**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - changing pace

Chloe and beca had been at the veiw for over an hour, they had sat there talking and laughing. Chloe knew she was ready for her conversation with beca about their relationship.

 _Hey bec?_

 _ **Yeah?**_

 _I was thinking... and I want us to try and take our relationship a little bit further._

 ** _Yes! I'm so sorry chlo, I've been so in my own head I guess I didn't give it much thought._**

 _Baby it's fine, I wanted to make sure you were getting better before I spoke about it. I get how hard it's been for you._

 _ **I'm so lucky to have you chlo**_

Both girls decided to get into the car as the nights breeze was slowly picking up, they started driving away from the veiw and we're heading for town.

 _Let's get this ginger her jiggle juice._

 _ **Haha, I love it when you say that! I'm not gonna drink tho, well maybe one or two. I wanna get us home safe.**_

 _Sounds good to me._

When they arrived in town beca pulled up outside the new nightclub there. The night club was strict on who was and wasn't allowed in, lucky for beca she had already get hers and Chloe's name on the V.I.P list. The bouncer looked to see their names and escorted them to the V.I.P lounge.

The lounge was Boujee, with leather sofas and Mood lighting, it had a private bar that served a premium list that you could only acces in the V.I.P. There was it's own dance floor, and a one way window, where the V.I.Ps could look out but no one could see in.

Chloe had already raced to the bar the second she walked in, whilst beca scanned the room. Noticing a few familiar faces but nobody that she needed to speak with, a smile and nod of a knowledgement was all that was needed. Beca headed over to one of the sofas and sat patiently waiting for Chloe to return. Soon after she catches a glimpse of long ginger curls bouncing gently across towards her. Beca smiled knowing Chloe was back.

 ** _How many shots have you had Beale ?_**

 _Pffffttt, I don't know what you're talking about._

 _ **Hmmm really? That's funny because you couldn't walk across the dance floor without stopping to dance every 2 seconds and you've spilled your drink.**_

 _Actually it's yours, I just was tasting it to erm make sure it was drinkable._

 _ **Yes of course you were, how kind.**_

Beca laughed and gave Chloe a wink, they sat and spoke for a little then Chloe decided she wanted to dance, as suspected beca was also dragged up with her. Beca secretly enjoyed it when Chloe made her dance. She loved the way Chloe didn't care about who was around her, she just wanted to have fun.

Beca realised that the whole time she had known Chloe they'd never been out drinking together, this was slowly becoming a regret of hers. Chloe became extra flirty when she was drunk and of course where's there's Chloe and music there is dancing. This was becoming becas favourite part, when the right type of song was on Chloe would grab beca and dance with her, it drove beca crazy as Chloe danced so intimately with her, plus the odd occasion of Chloe dropping to the floor and slowly pushing back up, making sure to playfully tease beca in the process.

Beca knew that her and Chloe had waited long enough, tonight beca was ready to start changing pace with her relationship. She had waited long enough she wanted Chloe. She had thought for weeks about it but never knew the right time, but tonight she did. Chloe came back from the bar with more shots, beca threw hers back and gave Chloe a look. As both of them locked eyes they knew the silent words spoken between them. Chloe took her shots and grabbed becas hand leading to the exit, they quickly got to the car and beca hurridly drove home.

As they pulled into the Garage beca caught Chloe's eye just as she had parked, the shared a smile and Chloe leaned over and kissed beca. This kiss was different to the way they usually kissed, it was deeper more passionate and amazing, Chloe's tongue took dominance as she lead the kiss, she slowly pulled back to take a small breath and smiled.

 ** _Let's get inside shall we_**

 _Definitely_

Chloe giggled as she got out of the car running behind beca and wrapping her arms around her as beca fumbled the keys trying to open the door, as she did manage to open it they fell through the door, beca straightened herself out laughing at the failed attempt of opening the door and reached for Chloe's hand, gently leading her upstairs.

When they got to the bedroom Chloe reached for beca and pushed her onto the bed and reached for her phone, music flowed out of the speakers. Chloe had made it clear she was in control of this. Beca was not complaining at this, in fact seeing this side of Chloe was incredible, she was always so gentle but now she has this look in her eyes, it was a look of lust.

Chloe got on the bed next beca, they shared a look and Chloe made her first move hovering gently above beca before leaning in to kiss her, she flicked her tongue gently grazing becas lips asking for access, beca trying to follow Chloe's lead allows her. The kiss is deep as Chloe takes control gently biting becas lip. Chloe started to undress beca only breaking the kiss for seconds. Beca felt butterflies as she saw Chloe look her up and down with a smirk. Before Anything was said Chloe was back on top kissing her again.

becas point of view*

Looking up at Chloe above me feels like a dream, she's always been the girl I thought would get away. Someone I'd never feel touch me. She was always the girl who I thought I'd never be good enough for.

The pure fact that I'm lying naked underneath Chloe fucking Beale is something I never though in a million years would happen, if someone told me 3 years ago this would be my life I would have laughed and told them to fuck off... it's strange tho because I've never felt so comfortable, how does she do this to me?

But all of those thoughts have changed, she's here kissing me. My skin feels cold yet every touch is like fire I can feel where she's burned her touch into me. I've never needed someone as bad as this. I can feel my fingers gripping her t-shirt pulling her closer needing her so fucking close to me.

The moments after spiral as everything becomes more intense, this was happening. Chloe pulled beca on top as the continued to kiss, Chloe's hands traced becas skin, she knew becas weak spots and focused on teasing.

The music flowed and the next song on made beca giggle to herself.

 ** _I love this song_**

 _Hmm I'm sure you do haha!_

 ** _Imma turn it up_**

Beca grabbed the phone and turned it up Chloe laughed at the lyrics

"Hear the sound of your body drip drip, as I kiss thoese sexy lips"

Beca laughed as she refocused her attention onto Chloe.

 ** _So where were we_**

Chloe pulled her back down to kiss her, continuing to tease each time getting closer and closer to her intended destination. As Chloe reached the spot, beca gasped craving more, feeling Chloe touching her was driving her crazy, Chloe took her time building beca up slowly, becas breathing was loosing control allowing quiet moans to escape.

 ** _*quite a while later*_**

Beca lay in Chloe's arms, how could one person make her feel so safe. She turned gently to look at Chloe who was fast asleep she kissed her gently on the tip of her nose and turned back over. Beca felt in a good place, her and Chloe finally made the next move in their relationship. She loved Chloe, she always had, she loved how good to her Chloe had been. Knowing she was safe and protected by this amazing woman made her heart race. Beca smiled to herself as she lay trying to sleep, but her burning skin from Chloe's touch keeping her awake.

Sleep finally took beca away, she was still the first awake in the morning she slipped Chloe's t-shirt on and went down stairs to grab a drink and some breakfast. She snuck back upstairs, placing the tray of food and drinks down on a table. Beca sat next Chloe and gently moved her hair off her face, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. Chloe pouted her lips to make beca aware she wasn't happy to be woken, until she took a deep breath in to smell breakfast. A small smile grew on her face

 _You made me breakfast_

 _ **Of course I did, you deserve it**_

 _Oh stop that you_

They spent the rest of the day relaxing with each other watching films, in between the many other intimate moments they had that day. Later in the evening, beca went into her studio to get some lyrics down. She could feel a shift in the new music she would be producing and it was all to do with Chloe.

Beca was always the type to fall in love to fast but even tho she had fallen in love with Chloe she also felt like she was falling all over again. Beca smiled as she wrote the love struck lyrics down. Laughing out loud to herself as she read over them.

 ** _Ha god I'm so gay, what have you done to me Chloe Beale._**

As if she knew becas thoughts she knocked on the studio door and entered.

 _I'm going to bed, you coming?_

 _ **I'll be up in a sec, I've just got to wrap up some stuff here then I'll be with you.**_

 _Okay baby_

Beca followed up shortly after Chloe, she snakes herself in between Chloe's arms, they lay face to face.

 ** _I love you Chloe._**

 _I love your more._

 _ **Nope! Not possible.**_

 _You little gay._

Chloe giggled and kissed beca gently on her forehead. The both slept fully intertwined with each other.

 **A/N: okay so that's this chapter out if the way, don't expect many like this as it's not something I enjoy writing too much as it takes away from the story sometimes.**


End file.
